Carter Q&A

I’ve gathered the Carter boys here today to answer a few of the questions from my lovely readers. I’m going to be honest, they don’t listen to me. Even when I’m writing, they never follow the chapter plans. These boys do whatever the hell they like so I’m going to apologise in advance for their answers. I’ll pose the questions and they can decide amongst themselves who answers. Here goes nothing.

RJ: Morning, guys!
Craig: Morning, RJ.
*Matt grunts, the twins wink and Ian tilts his head in acknowledgement*
RJ: What’s wrong with you lot?
Ian: Just get on with it.
RJ: *mumbling under her breath* Yes, sir. Here come the questions.

  • Why be so strict on Jelly when all she wanted was your love? Remember she lost her mum as well?

Ian: I don’t really appreciate being questioned like this.
*He looks to RJ who valiantly stares at an interesting patch on the floor*
Ian: *sighs* She had our love, always will do. We all had strict upbringings but Jelly is all we have left of our Mum. Why would we not safe guard that with everything we had?
Karl: RJ, have you not told them about all the trouble she got into as a kid?
RJ *mumbles* Most of that wasn’t her fault.
Craig: We may have been a bit over the top. She knows we meant well.

  •  If Jason and Duff were never in the picture, what kind of guy would each of the brothers have picked for Jamie?

Matt: A eunuch.
Karl: She would have become a nun.
Danny: A woman.
Jake: You’d make her a lesbian? That’s fucked up.
Rick: Why? We have no problem getting women to do what we want. If Jelly had a girlfriend it would be much easier to manage.
Danny: Jason’s essentially a woman though. Have you seen how much shit he puts in his hair?

  • What would run through each of the boys minds (including Matt) if Jason was to propose to his squirrel?

Ian: Fucker already proposed. When he asked my permission there were a few choice locations.
Karl: To bury him.
Ian: That’s what I meant.
Matt: Should have fucking done it.
Jake: He’s making her happy though, I guess.
Craig: Reed seems alright.
Ian: He better be willing to take our surname. She’s a Carter, always will be.
Danny: But then he’d be a Carter too. We can’t have that.
Rick: Good point well made.
Ian: Double barrel it is. Jamie-Lea Carter Reed.
RJ: Um… Ian, you don’t think that’s a bit long.
Ian: Did anybody ask your opinion?
*RJ Promptly shuts up*
Karl: You gave him permission in the end though.
Ian: Jelly would have done the puppy dog eye thing otherwise.
*Banging at the door*
RJ: Who’s that?
The twins: Nobody.
*More banging*
RJ: Where’s Jamie?
Danny: She couldn’t make it.
*RJ narrows her eyes*
Jamie: Let me in!
RJ: You locked her out!
Danny: Would we do a thing like that?
*RJ sighs heavily and goes to unlock the door and let Jamie in*
Jamie: *sighs with relief* Thanks, RJ. You guys suck!
Ian: Careful, Jelly!
Jamie: *Narrows her eyes* And we are not getting a double barrelled surname!
RJ: *clears her throat to prevent an argument* Time for the next question. This one is for you, Jamie.

  •  Who does Jamie Lea plan to teach with her English degree?

Jamie: I’m teaching primary school students in my new job. They’re wonderful – I have the best job in the world. Thirty screaming children is nothing after eighteen years of seven brothers.
RJ: I’ll bet. Let’s move swiftly on before they demonstrate that fact *glances across at the angry looking men*

  •  What are The Twin’s idea of the perfect girl?

Karl: Breathing.
Matt: One with tits.
Danny: Shut up this is our question.
Rick: We figured this out when we were twelve.
Danny: We don’t need one perfect girl, but two.
Rick: *nods* Identical twins.
Jake: Not this again *rolling his eyes*
Craig: Do you know what the odds of finding another set of identical twins is? Or the odds that both of you will like both of them?
Danny: It’s us, of course they’ll like us.
Jake: What if you both like the same one, or they both like only one of you two?
Rick: Then I’ll get them both *shrugs*
Danny: What the fuck dude. Caring is sharing!
Rick: The best twin won, bro. *Rick punches his twin*
*Danny retaliates with a headbutt*

Oh dear, I do apologise readers. Things are slowly descending into chaos here; it looks like the twins are about to kill each other. Thanks very much to everyone who sent in a question. If you have any more, drop a comment below and I’ll see if anybody is in one piece and able to answer!

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